They follow me
Shadowing my existence in hope
That I will, one day
Let them swallow me whole
With a starving hunger.
How can you murder consciousness?
How can I rip this painful, soul destroying nuisance from my being?
I don’t think happy endings exist,
It’s all a lie.
I get more comfort from the bottle than I do from him and maybe it’s enough for most but I need more
I need more than the random texts, more than the odd day out, the special attention he only seems to give me when we’re both drunk
God, how did I let myself care so much? Being with him fucks with my head but I still can’t fathom the idea of being without him
I think I fell too hard.
Follow the motion my lips makes
As they fold out honest words
Into the universe for you to hear
And only you.
They’re not sweet like honey
But from them,
You have seen my bare nakedness
In ways very few have seen of me.
Every painful secret I have hid away for years
Perfectly preserved and saved to recite off
When the time became right,
When the person became right.
There’s this sense of desire
Scraped across my skin
Of some sort of normality
A printed mark
HELP ME, PLEASE HELP ME
but no one ever does
They never will.
But there’s nothing normal about this
I have these marks tattooed across me
Everyone can see them
And they all know
There’s nothing normal about me.
“What are you thinking?”
Daring to challenge my thoughts.
I can’t answer that.
I don’t know what I’m thinking
And I wouldn’t say what I was thinking even if I do know.
Do people ever say what they really think anyway?
I look at him,
“Just study, I swear”
And he nods, relieved,
Turning back to read his book about religion
While I continue to stare blankly
Image retrieved from Pinterest, here.
I am the weed hidden within your garden of roses.
Pulled and tossed aside,
You told me you always preferred their purpose.
The colour and energy they added to your world.
But I’m a nuisance. Boring.
Never good enough for the bouquet on your table.
Never good enough for you.
Image retrieved from Pinterest, HERE
I will lie down,
Let the roots of the past destroy me
And wither away into the ground,
Allowing the earth to feed off my naked body
And eat the goodness of my flesh,
The happiest meal.
I don’t deserve to live here,
My bones, they belong to the world that gave them being.
They can disintegrate,
Becoming one with each other
And then you can walk
Along my eternal home.