Aches

To feel your bare skin, so cold.

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I never understood heartache

until I ached so passionately for your body to touch mine.

To feel your bare skin, so cold.

Can you wrap your limbs around me again;

the way you used to when you said you loved me.

Shelter me in your cocoon until I feel reborn.

The mornings feel so empty outside the safety of your nest.

Intertwined.

My heart no longer feels whole.

Key Changes

but you, you…..

If we were the key to a song

I’d be the minor and you’d be the major

because everything always feels so major when I’m with you

life was always happier when you’re near by.

 

To be the minor is a curse;

forever the sad,

the depressing,

but you, you

brighten the smiles on others.

 

And maybe that’s why we work

I need your major to make me feel major too.

Innocent

Another innocent little play thing…

You crept inside me when I was at my darkest

and led me to believe that you were trying to love me.

I should’ve trusted my gut when I knew you were like the others.

You didn’t care that I was broken

just wanted someone you can fuck with,

another innocent little play thing,

too damaged to question your motives.

 

 

People don’t love the broken,

they have too many tiny pieces to glue together.

No, you just wanted a to have a good time

and yet, I’m cursed with the memories.

jigsaws

I’m an unfinished jigsaw.

i yearn to find someone who understands me

(when i dont really understand myself).

someone, who understands my brain

and how happy but unhappy i can feel all at once.

who would cure me of this loneliness i can never, ever, escape from.

 

im an unfinished jigsaw

with pieces that never, quite, fit together.

but to find someone who would listen and just know would be a puzzle in itself.

 

you can find me in the meadows if you want to try.

New Adventures

This year is another exciting adventure, another exciting adventure I hope to share…

It’s the twelfth of January and I’ve been meaning to write this post for a few days now but HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! It’s hard to believe it’s 2018, I know we say the same thing every year but the year really does fly by. I’m back to Dublin after my few weeks at home for the Christmas and I’m finding it so hard to get back into the swing of things, I’m not even back to university yet! I’m a night owl and when I’m not in any sort of routine I find myself slipping into a very irrational sleeping pattern very very easily; my days for the past two weeks have been starting at 2pm and ending somewhere between 3am and 5am.

Overall, 2017 hasn’t been a bad year for me. There’s been a few bad moments towards the end of the year, with the death of my Nanny and family circumstances bringing some difficulty to my life but no year can be entirely perfect either. Compared to other years in the past I’d definitely think I’ve been evidently happier in 2017, I’ve made great memories that still make me smile and I do think I’ve had a lot of achievements during the year that I’m significantly proud of. I never thought I’d return to college, predominantly because I had a very negative mentality towards my undergraduate degree but to take that plunge and move to Dublin to further my education is definitely the best decision I’ve ever made. I really love the course I’m studying and I love the job opportunities I’m able to make since starting it, it’s significantly improved my life really and to say I’m doing well in it has boosted my confidence in myself massively! While, I began this year working in a restaurant I can’t deny the happiness that job also brought to my life. I’ve made great friends and memories from that job, and regardless of the stress working in the hospitality industry also brought I wouldn’t have changed anything about the job either, well maybe just the split shifts!!!

I’m never brilliant at New Year’s resolutions to be honest. I usually decide to cut out junk food but as a very lazy, third-level student that never lasts much longer than the first three weeks. This year, my main goal is to lose a little weight, primarily because I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and would like to drop a dress size just to feel like ‘me’ again. I’d also like to take up some volunteering work as it’s something I’ve planned to do for a long time and I don’t feel like I ‘give back’ enough to society so it’s another aim for my 2018, let’s hope I actually stick to them now! This year is another exciting adventure, another exciting adventure I hope to share and if it’s half as good as 2017 then I’m looking forward to the year ahead!!

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Three words

Oh, just three words.

I am beautiful.

Three words that I struggle to tell myself as the spots on my face won’t let me.

They are three words that the fat on my thighs will laugh at.

Just, three, small words that the scars on my arms won’t listen to because they’ve been reminded again and again that they’re not.

Oh, just three words.

A little poetry update

I’m not sure if anyone in particular has been following my attempts but I’ve been trying to get into the ‘zone’, I think, of writing little poems. I took a creative writing class when I was in my final year of my undergraduate (honestly, it was the only class I was remotely interested in that year) and it kind of got me interested in trying to develop my own poems, or little rambles, as I like to call them! At the moment, I’ve only been able to write very short pieces of poetry but I’ve been quite proud so far of what I’ve pieced together, it’s a little therapeutic if I’m honest.

I’m hoping to, eventually, be able to write a longer piece. They don’t really roll out of my brain and onto paper just yet which is something, I hope, I might be able to do in time, they’re a bit forced right now. Most of them have been inspired by personal things in my life or a little influenced from past experiences but I’ve been experimenting a bit more recently with characters, like trying to put myself into the mindset of someone else and writing from their point of view…this has been a bit tricky though!

Feel free to read a few of them though, and offer some constructive criticism (please be nice). If anyone has any nice tips or tricks they’d like to pass on too that’d be great, I’m still a newbie in the poetry world so I’d like all the help available!! I read recently that often with poetry, it is the thing you’re afraid to write about that you should write about, which is encouraging me to write a lot more, so more tips like that would be lovely. ❤

Here’s a few links to my little poetry-like rambles for those interested: Fix It, Robots, A Creature, Foggy and my most recent, she.