Maybe, if

Maybe, if I was skinny you’d want me?

Perhaps, if I was more intelligent you’d still be here?

Possibly, if my nose was smaller,

Lips were larger,

Had three less fat rolls on my corners,

You’d still be mine?

What if I was someone else?

Different face, body shape, brains

Would it make you want me now instead?

I can’t stop thinking of all these reasons that maybe changed your mind.

Maybe, I should be a better person?

Maybe, I don’t know how to give affection?

Maybe, I lack the maturity to be there for you when you’re in trouble?

Why can’t I stop feeling like I need to change?

I feel empty.

Maybe, if you just spoke to me.

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A Few Moments

It was dark, empty. Silent, only for the swaying of his feet under the duvet. Waiting to just drift off into oblivion, where the voices inside his head are dead for a short number of hours. It was out of habit, the swift movements back and forth, back and forth, until, he was just,

gone.

I fell too hard

I get more comfort from the bottle than I do from him and maybe it’s enough for most but I need more

I need more than the random texts, more than the odd day out, the special attention he only seems to give me when we’re both drunk

God, how did I let myself care so much? Being with him fucks with my head but I still can’t fathom the idea of being without him

I think I fell too hard.