Maybe, if I was skinny you’d want me?
Perhaps, if I was more intelligent you’d still be here?
Possibly, if my nose was smaller,
Lips were larger,
Had three less fat rolls on my corners,
You’d still be mine?
What if I was someone else?
Different face, body shape, brains
Would it make you want me now instead?
I can’t stop thinking of all these reasons that maybe changed your mind.
Maybe, I should be a better person?
Maybe, I don’t know how to give affection?
Maybe, I lack the maturity to be there for you when you’re in trouble?
Why can’t I stop feeling like I need to change?
I feel empty.
Maybe, if you just spoke to me.
It was dark, empty. Silent, only for the swaying of his feet under the duvet. Waiting to just drift off into oblivion, where the voices inside his head are dead for a short number of hours. It was out of habit, the swift movements back and forth, back and forth, until, he was just,
I met a boy who was lovely to me until he stopped being lovely and didn’t care about me anymore.
Now I’m alone, again.
I like being alone,
But I’d prefer to be alone with you
For my body is your’s,
Take me and I will take you
Every last drop of you
Murdering my thirst
Satisfying my secret desires
Feeding my sinful cravings.
Gentle touches across my collarbone
Like delicate flowers, kissing against my untouched skin
Sending shivers down my spine
Making me crave more
A deep, burning hunger.
I need all of you,
Every last atom, pressed against my body
So I can hear the music your heart makes
As it races in your chest, my perfect lullaby.
They follow me
Shadowing my existence in hope
That I will, one day
Let them swallow me whole
With a starving hunger.
How can you murder consciousness?
How can I rip this painful, soul destroying nuisance from my being?
I don’t think happy endings exist,
It’s all a lie.
I get more comfort from the bottle than I do from him and maybe it’s enough for most but I need more
I need more than the random texts, more than the odd day out, the special attention he only seems to give me when we’re both drunk
God, how did I let myself care so much? Being with him fucks with my head but I still can’t fathom the idea of being without him
I think I fell too hard.